I am beginning this post with a question that will hopefully generate a lot of conversation. Hopefully, you will share some of your thoughts after reading this post. So here it is: Should wives submit themselves to their husbands in matters that may infringe on their desires in serving God? Recently, I was in a bible discussion that encouraged me to write this post. I will give you two scenarios to focus on as you formulate your thoughts. One: You have been a tithes payer for years. If you are not familiar with the biblical expectation on paying tithes, you can read Malachi 3:8-10. Your husband, who may or may not be confessing salvation one day, tells you that you can no longer pay your tithes to the church. Say what?
It doesn’t matter the reason, but it could be because he feels, especially in this season, the money is essential for bills, or he may simply say you have to stop. Your response may be, “Say what?” in disbelief. Nevertheless, he means it- no more paying tithes. You know the benefits of paying tithes, and you know that it is a requirement biblically, so what do you do? Do you submit to your husband as the Bible says the husband is the head of the wife? Or do you say, “Say what?” I have to do what the Bible says. However, it may cause a lack of peace in the home and impact your relationship with your husband if you disagree. Is it your right to disobey him because you love God and want to be obedient? What do you say or do?
On the other hand, at another time in your marriage, your husband tells you that you are attending church a little too much, and he feels you need more time at home. Well, right now, we are in a pandemic, and your services may be virtual, but better days are coming, and we will be able to attend services physically in a building once again. Do you cut back on your attendance as your husband suggests? Here is another “say what” moment!
Without a doubt, there is much to consider. First the relationship you have with God. Next, your earthly connection with the man you have chosen in marriage and who is the head of your home. I would love to hear your thoughts, and so would the other readers. Many of you respond to the different posts via other media and texts and emails to me, but please share via this post so others can know your thoughts. I know some women struggle in their marriages because they are trying to serve God and be dutiful as a wife. Sometimes clashes may occur.
Hence, your responses may be an encouragement and eye-opener for someone. So, please share because I know you have thoughts on this topic. As always, you can respond anonymously to this post if you wish. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33. I’ll be back next week with a new post, “There is Still Hope!”
Be encouraged, and God bless!
Sister Jackie
Jackie, this is a doozy…..a hot and controversial topic.
There could be so many variables in this analogy. I will attempt to answer this from
a biblical perspective. What not to do: 1. tithe secretly; (it only exasperate the problem; causes distrust)
2. tithe regardless of what your spouse says.(again, this causes chaos and friction)
What to do: 1. Pray about it (ask God to guide you and to give your spouse an understanding of the importance of tithing etc. (God knows your desire)
2. Perhaps a compromise can be reached, after a discussion. I.e. If your spouse is the total bread-winner, he may agree for you to tithe on your allowance or free money after all bills and household concerns are met.
If both of you are bringing in an income; maybe he’ll agree to allow you to tithe on your income.
3. Don’t let money get between you and your spouse. Work together as best you can to understand each other.
Remember, tithing disagreements are never easy to deal with in a marriage.
In pre-marital counseling: this is a major topic that is a MUST if one or both parties are believers.
See biblical scriptures in Jackie’s post as well as others.
Many notable points! Thank you so much for sharing and contributing to this topic. May God continue to bless and keep you in His loving care!
These are two interesting and thought provoking questions. I served under a woman who experienced both of these scenarios. She was raised in the church, her father was a bishop and that’s all she knew from birth, but she married an unsaved man and had to deal with a lot of things. She taught us to obey the head of your household no matter what and let God do the work on him. She never stopped praying, never stopped reading her Bible and she never stopped serving God in any way she could. Some days her husband could not look upon her face until he let her go to church or pay her tithes. Eventually he gave his life to Christ and was one of the largest givers in the church. God said to obey them that have rule over you and unfortunately, this includes your spouse. I have an issue that I am dealing with, but I know for a fact that God will fight this battle. Not tithes or attending church because my husband is saved, but issues that do not line up with the Word of God.
Thank you for your transparency and sharing. Issues do arise in the home of saved couples, but where prayers are going up around the throne, God will deliver from any situation that is not in line with His Word! Keep on praying and trusting our incredible Savior! God bless you, and grace and mercy sustain you each day of your life!
A very thought provoking question Sis……And sadly, these may become someone’s truth for a season or a lifetime as an undesirable sacrifice and choice that one has to make to maintain harmony and unity in the marital union, rather in order to keep “peace in the home” and to keep the marriage vows intact.
And since I am not yet married, my perspective from a single, as it brings this to light to me, is that it is vital also to make a list for these urgent and essential aspects of the marriage to be discussed, before saying “YES” or “I DO”, to discuss them in pre-marriage counseling, and with one’s Pastor, or at least discussing it with each other before-hand for a real understanding of the other’s stand on the matter, even if it doesn’t deter one from the marriage, and in some cases they change their minds about a subject later on in the marriage. We all know we have to make compromises, but it is good if it is understood and accepted before one commits.
But even moreso, I too am interested to see the responses to this from others, especially valuable insight from them that are married, or had these type of things to happen. Personally, I think we more often just discuss “are you saved” and group every aspect of the marriage working-out-in-our-favor in that column, and leave the rest to discover later.
Thank you again for sharing these deep topics, whereby we can learn and prosper from.
Thank you for your thoughtful insight on the topic. You are correct. Couples should thoroughly discuss essential spiritual matters before the marriage. Situations can change after marriage, but many things are already present within, and if we keep our spiritual eyes open, we will see and hopefully avoid problems down the line.
Sis Jackie,
“Say what”? To “Say what”? I think it is wise to raise this question before and throughout the marriage and not necessarily when a pivotal concern comes up! Relationship dynamics are always changing and may include matters regarding tithing, church involvement and the like. I feel that it is best not to “sweep” problematic issues “under the rug” and assume that a conversation had 5 years before will suffice in the present. Be proactive and revisit “the touchy stuff” when the waters are calm and both parties are thinking with a clear, happy God-filled mind.
Be blessed,
Sandy
Wisdom is the principal thing! Communication follows closely behind! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this matter. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. May God continue to keep and cover you with His divine love.
And this is why I am yet single lol. Because I would be the one to sneak and pay tithes without my husband knowing. Out of my own money. Which I know isn’t right because that would be hiding and lying to my husband but in my mind, it’s the only way to keep peace until my husband’s heart and mind has been changed by God. I wouldn’t feel good about it but I have to be faithful to God’s Word above my husband’s opinion.
This is why it’s soo important to talk about many of these issues prior to marriage. I would hope this would be hashed out in pre-marital counseling and if I’m marrying a believer, he would have similar thoughts regarding tithing and attending church (if he doesn’t, we may have to reconsider this whole marriage thing).
It’s encouraging to know that men (and women) can change – they can be changed by God. But, I wouldn’t head into a marriage hoping a man can change. This is why we need to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers – but that’s a whole different topic lol
Being equally yoked is of the utmost importance to a couple. Similarly significant are the discussions that take place before marriage. And to this statement, “I wouldn’t feel good about it, but I have to be faithful to God’s Word above my husband’s opinion.” I say, “Hmmmmmm!” Thank you so much for sharing, and may the grace of God keep you in His loving care. God bless you.