This post is the fourth in the November “Sharing the Spotlight!” series. The post is unedited and comes from the heart of my daughter, Monique. I genuinely appreciate Monique taking the time to contribute to my blog and always sharing it with others. She is one of my biggest fans! Today, I spotlight her passionate thoughts that she is willing to share with us.

If I had a dollar for every time someone (mostly men) asked me “Why are you single/Why don’t you have a man”, I would be pretty rich. Maybe not rich but I would definitely have a decent amount of cash. And I get where they are coming from – I’ve asked God the same thing in the past! I mean, I think I’m decent looking LOL. I’m smart (I have THREE degrees), nice, hilarious, family oriented, well-traveled. I love God, I’m saved, I have my own money, car and place to stay. I’m a good person. So it’s not the “you” part of the question that annoys me – it’s the “why” part. As if something has to be the cause of my singleness, despite all that I have achieved.

There is a technique we use in nursing, and in other industries, called a Root Cause Analysis. It’s a technique that aims to find the root cause of something that went wrong, a problem or sentinel event. It usually involves asking the question “Why” as many as five times to pull back the layers of the event and find out what was the root problem that caused the issue. However, the question “why”can be provoking and accusatory at times. A person who is asked “why” may be defensive in their response and I can understand. I’ve surely been defensive at times when responding.

But now my response has changed to the question of why I am single. Them: Why are you single? Me: Why should I be married? That usually gives pause to them lol. Because let’s face it. Everyone who gets married does not stay married. Some of them got married because they didn’t want to be continuously asked “why are you single?” and they still ended up single. Many studies actually show that marriage seems to benefit men more than it does women. Better health status, increased money and happiness are associated with married men vs. unmarried men. However research shows that isn’t the same when it comes to women. Single, childless women are the happiest in all the subgroups of men and women. They also are more likely to live longer than married women with children. And while many believe that women are the ones that believe marriage is the end-all-be-all, their ultimate life fulfillment — 70% of divorces are initiated by women. So again, why should I be married? LOL

Would I like to be married? Sure. But I have come to the conclusion over time that I don’t NEED to be married. It’s 2022, almost 2023, and women no longer need to depend on men for economic, financial and social reasons. Thanks to advancement in technology, and changes in adoption/fostering requirements, women no longer need to be married to have children and become mothers.

In John 10:10, Jesus says that He came so that we may have life and life more abundantly. Living an abundant life is living life to the fullest, experiencing whatever brings you joy, peace and true happiness. All of those come from God. You may experience those things through a marriage but a marriage isn’t a prerequisite or only way to experience joy, peace and happiness. A marriage should not be a source of those things but they should be based on a relationship with Jesus Christ. Instead of asking me “Why are you single”, men should be asking if I know Jesus LOL. So if you are asked “Why are you single/Why don’t you have a man”, let them know you don’t need to be married to live an abundant, fulfilling life because you already are in Jesus Christ.