Have you ever felt like you needed to be strong all the time because everybody depends on you most of the time? You can’t take the time to be emotional or weak or teary-eyed because you are the one that family, friends, even co-workers come to for emotional support. I know what that feels like and the strain it puts on an individual. So many times, I have been the leaning post, the go-to person when things are going awry for other people. But what about me ? When I am weak, teary-eyed, grieving, who can I turn to for a shoulder to lean on and support?
Over and over, people have told me how strong I am. They even ask me how do I do what I do. When my precious mother passed, I eulogized her and committed her body to the ground and back to God. I did that also for a brother and other family members. In each instance, God gave me the strength that I needed to perform the services. But, at the end of the day and not only those days, but workdays and other emotionally packed days who was there for me? Yes, I had family members (natural and church ) and friends who rendered beautiful words of comfort and support, but I needed those things from the one closest to me. If you have a spouse or significant other at the end of the day when the music of life stops, that person should provide the melody of comfort to soothe and support you emotionally.
An individual can only do that if they are connected to you emotionally. I need to know if I will receive the support that I will one day assuredly need. How will I know? If the other person does not value little things that are important to me or if they lack feelings of concern or excitement when I am experiencing painful or joyful emotions, what can I expect? When heartaches come along — simple gestures like hand-holding, asking what do I need will go a long way. Simple attention to let me know that I am not alone and don’t have to be strong all the time serves to strengthen my heart.
I need to know this, that I won’t always be the giver and not the receiver of emotional support. Do you ever feel like you give so much more than you receive emotional wise? Looking at how the individual responds to others who are hurting may give you a glimpse into what you can expect to receive. I won’t settle for anything less from a spouse, most especially or even a significant other who may become a spouse — been there done that! Don’t settle ladies for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve to be pampered, loved on, and supported emotionally through the good times and the bad ones. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15. I’ll be back next week with a new post, “What I need to know: Why me?”
Be encouraged, and God bless!
Sister Jackie
I totally understand, and have experienced this too…And know for sure that, for some things, there truly are not any substitutes.
No substitutes and non-negotiable! Bless you and thank you for sharing!
Right on again Jackie; I share your sentiments as well as your experiences. Because I love helping others, I found myself being the go to girl. Some of it was self perpetuated. I am yet learning to use the referral system; refer them to the word and/ or pray with them.
As far as a spouse is concern; my deceased husband was very supportive emotionally; feeling support, comfort and “I don’t have to do it all” is a wonderful and peaceful feeling.
Thanks again; I’m enjoying every blog as well as the comments from others.
Yes, I have experienced some of that support from a spouse, but at times needed more. It is a wonderful feeling to know that someone else has your back and you don’t have to walk the journey all the way. Sometimes you can be carried. Bless you and thank you for the thoughtful comments.
This is true and I can identify with a lot of what you have written. I know it’s not just me, but most of us do see you as a SUPER-WOMAN but I wouldn’t think for a minute that you don’t need or deserve to be comforted and cared for. As women, sometimes because we show such strength others might think that we can handle our and their burdens – but THE BIBLE SAYS to cast our cares on HIM (meaning Jesus) because he cares for us. Helping and being there for others is what we should do but we need that same emotional and mental support and care in return.
Amen my sister! I thank God for the support I have received from others. I am learning that to receive support from a mate we can’t be so quick to try and “do it all”. A little patience goes a long ways in lessening our burdens. Be blessed and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this!
There is a real price to pay for being “strong” and even the slightest hint of indifference from a significant other only heightens the disappointment of being unseen and the frustration of feeling overwhelmed. When you are so accomplished and consistently reliable for others, they can began to only see you for what you do and stop seeing you for who you are, which is a person that experiences highs and lows like everybody else.
Also, your point about taking notice of how someone responds to others in hard times to gauge how they may treat you is such a great idea because when someone shows us who they are, even in their interactions with others, we must believe them.
Thank you for posting this!
Well said! Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you!