If someone tells you on your wedding day(or the day before) not to marry the person you are about to marry, can you imagine how that would make you feel? The person is not just anyone but a trusted friend or family member. Every plan is in place. You are beyond sending out invitations, ordering flowers, and food for the reception. You have shared your joy with everyone you love. Everyone anticipates your wedding. You have dreamed of this day all your life. Now either after the rehearsal dinner, if you have one or the morning you are preparing for your big day, this bombshell happens.
Your trusted acquaintance tells you that you should not go through with the wedding nuptials. Your first reaction is probably thinking that’s not what you heard. Next, after looking straight into the person’s eyes, you know that this is serious. You would have many questions, probably beginning with, “Why?” The person may only say, “It’s a feeling, or my spirit is unsettled, and I believe you would be making a big mistake.”
Last but not least, the person may say this is a word from the Lord. You would probably be wondering why don’t I feel this way, or why didn’t God speak to me earlier (hmm maybe He did?)? So many thoughts will probably run rampant through your mind. You are at the ninth hour. Time is not approaching but is here to either go through with your wedding or not. You don’t want to doubt the person telling you this because they have been a trusted confidant or friend for possibly many years. The person has a relationship with God, but so do you. Take it one step further; you may feel a little uneasy and brushed it off as last-minute jitters. I hope I haven’t made this too complicated or not given enough information, but I think you get a general idea.
Nevertheless, your marriage to the person you are ready to declare your love to is only a few hours or a day away. Tough question-what do you do? I can’t wait to hear your responses. To those who are visiting this blog for the first time, please feel free to leave comments. No judgments rendered, and anyone can comment anonymously. Again, I invite everyone to submit your tough questions to my contact page for future posts. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek. Psalms 27: 8. I’ll be back next week with a new post, Tough Question: “What is a Dealbreaker in a Relationship?”
Be encouraged, and God bless!
Sister Jackie
Wow! This is a loaded question (s) indeed.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure of what I would do.
I know that a million thoughts would flood my mind.
Things that I would consider; my relationship with the person that’s asking me to “not go through with the wedding”;
the reason/rational/basis for making this suggestion;
what are the repercussions if I do? if I don’t ?
It’s very, very difficult to think rational when your heart is 100% in your hopes and dreams of being a “until death do us part”, wife, companion, and friend.
Again, I’m not sure of what I would do, but I’m sure that I would feel confused, perplexed, maybe angry, hurt, lost
bewildered, and maybe, just maybe, grateful.
You have indeed expressed many feelings, which I am sure that others would feel too. I have not personally been in that predicament, but I will share my experience if I may be transparent for a moment. A few years ago, I married someone whom I had known practically all my life. He was my first love from my youth. On the morning of my wedding, I had a terrible feeling. I brushed it off as just wedding jitters because being previously married and going through heartache; I was nervous. Later after I married this individual, I knew that my feelings were real. I then expressed to a few close friends that I should have stopped getting dressed that morning and asked my maid of honor (a true woman of God) to pray with me and ask God if I should proceed with the marriage. I am sure if I had, I would have gone to the church that day and expressed my regrets to everyone who had taken time to celebrate with us. I would have told them the wedding was off, but by all means, please enjoy the food at the reception venue.
Someone might ask, didn’t you know before that this marriage should not be? Didn’t you see any signs? Let me answer this way. God never leaves us clueless in any situation, but you can easily overlook signs when you desire something to be right. And there are signs- some very subtle, but present. God’s last attempt may be at the ninth hour of your decision making. Let me take this further. One of my trusted close friends, who is like a sister to me, told me later after I expressed that the marriage was short-lived (annulled) for several reasons; he wasn’t the “one” for me. She met my soon to be husband at the rehearsal /family and friends dinner the evening before the wedding. I asked her teasingly why she didn’t speak up that night. She replied that she didn’t want me to be upset with her because she once told someone close to her that they shouldn’t marry the person they were preparing to marry, and they got upset. I told her I wished she had! Let me end with this. Be careful, be prayerful always, and beyond that, don’t let your heart and emotions be the lead in any relationship-Let God! Thank you for sharing, and God bless you, abundantly!
Yeah, that’s a tough one. Like myself, I ignored all the red flags and warnings. There were lessons learned but I would have avoided a lot of heartache had I listened – and that voice spoke boldly to me up to the very I do!!! What I do know is that such actions are selfish and foolish because when my heartaches so does the heart of those that really love me. Therefore when times got rough (not your average spousal spats, but abuse) I lived with many secrets to try and spare the feelings of love ones. So I believe that when someone tells/advises us on such matters to pray and consult God – though we are supposed to do that anyway!!!!
Yes, we should do that…………..! But, sometimes the heart renders us stupid! I appreciate you taking the time to express your sentiments. God bless and keep you in His care!
Powerful question. Made me think of the old addage that “love is blind”. I figure we take chances in life about a lot of things that don’t work out as we had hoped for, but hopefully we learned a valuable lesson to avoid the same mistakes again. Then there is another old addage that “it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”(i know some believe that is questionable when it turns out bad, but it’s just food for thought). Sometimes we may never get over “what if” until after “we actually have done it”. Because sometimes we may know they are right in our heart but just have to see for ourselves and then hopefully be able to move on. I’m just learning to live without regret,(it ain’t easy either but very rewarding) but, yet continually move forward and don’t let the hurt of my past mistakes hinder me from a victorious life for my future. The Apostle Paul said “I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.”. For. He knew that God could provide, heal and restore. Not saying it easy to go through, but The Hope of God makes it bearable and brings “NEW” hope for the future.
Thank you so much for those great thoughts on this subject. What sticks out for me is learning to live without regret. Yes, it’s not easy, but yes, it is rewarding and soothing to the mind! God bless you, and thank you always for your words of wisdom and God’s words that bring life.
It really depends on who the person is. If it is someone I trust and someone who I KNOW knows the Lord, it would make me pause and think. More than likely, if I have been prayerful the whole time, I may have already had some feeling that I was about to make a mistake anyway. So this may be confirmation. And if so, I would really have to pause and think before I walked down that aisle.
I am not opposed to calling off a wedding – even at last minute. Especially after witnessing some marriages and their downfall. I’d rather be “embarrassed” for a short time than have to go through a heartbreaking and emotional divorce.
Amen, Amen, and Amen! Thank you so much for sharing your thought-provoking response. A point worth remembering – “embarrassment” for a short time rather than a long time of heartache and possibly divorce is better in the scheme of things. God bless you, and may Heaven smile upon you!