This post is the fifth and last in the November “Sharing the Spotlight!” series. The post is unedited and flows from the heart of one of my “other daughters,” Janelle. I am most appreciative of Janelle contributing to this blog. So please sit back, relax and enjoy what Janelle shares with us. 

As a little girl, I loved the movie Cinderella, not the blonde one, but the one portrayed by the singer Brandy, a beautiful girl with braids and dark brown skin, she was a princess who looked like me, and seeing myself represented that way on screen was incredibly gratifying. The fairy godmother was Whitney Houston, and the music was legendary. While I loved seeing that representation on screen, what captivated me most was how Cinderella met the love of her life and was rescued from a life of servitude and subjugation. I swooned at the way that the prince recognized her beauty and value where she herself did not see it. It was because of the prince that she blossomed and came into her own, she saw herself as valuable because he believed that she was. Isn’t it romantic? To hold out for hope that “The dearest love in all the world” is out there waiting for us, all we have to do is believe that someday our prince will come and rescue us from our present circumstance? 

As a young girl this was the picture of romance for me, and to be honest, I carried this ideal of love and romance for far longer than I should have, well into adulthood. Because the truth is, this scenario is a fantasy, and to hold this as an aspiration is unhealthy for several reasons. I’ll share just a few here: 

• Number 1. Our worth and inherent value is not determined by any one person. Our value is sealed within our identity in Jesus Christ, this is inviolable, whether “our prince” recognizes it or not. 
• Number 2. Ready for a hard truth? No one is coming to rescue you. Whatever your circumstance is, while it may or may not be a result of your actions, you are the only one who will make the decisions and take the actions necessary to improve your life. We are empowered through the Holy Spirit to overcome our circumstances (Phil 4:13), we have to believe and just as importantly, we have to take action (James 2:14-26). 
• Number 3. True love doesn’t happen during a slow waltz at a royal ball, or while taking a long walk in the garden hand in hand under the moonlight. True love happens when we choose to endure difficulties and love our partner even when it is hard. It happens when we honor our vows and have the courage to share our weaknesses and vulnerabilities with each other, which strengthens and deepens the bond. 

To confuse love and romance is a mistake, and making a significant decision based on that confusion can be costly. Don’t get me wrong, I fully support romance, and I believe it is essential in a marriage relationship. I absolutely love when my husband brings me ‘just because’ flowers, or makes the effort to plan for us to spend some time alone. But what makes his gestures most meaningful to me is that I know that he’s committed to me, he’s established himself as my partner in love and in purpose, and romance is icing on the cake. Whether you are single and waiting to experience love and romance in marriage, or you are married and walking through the highs and lows of partnership, my advice is to keep your focus on what truly matters, honoring the commitment that you make to your spouse, and doing the work required to love and honor them, for better or for worse. Love is a decision that you make every day, and it requires you to be committed to your partner while knowing the best and worst of who they are. True love is sacrificial, but with the right partner, it is absolutely worth it.