Do you do things for your friends, significant other, or spouse dependent on what they do for you? Would you treat someone royally before they initiate royal treatment toward you? If you are the initiator of all things sweet and lovely and not get an immediate return of the same treatment, how long do you continue giving and initiating? Do you get weary in well doing or keep moving forward? I ask these questions because sometimes, in relationships, one person may tend to do more than the other in connection with special treatment. How far will you go?
To clarify my point, I will be transparent for a moment and share some of my experiences with you. When I married my first husband, I was quite the little homemaker. My mother had taught me how to take care of a husband, children, and a home as part of her motherly training. I took my training to the next level to do everything possible to pamper my husband daily. For example, when he came home from work, I would run his bathwater(no bathroom shower). Do any of you remember Calgon bath crystals? Well, our bathroom was blue, and I would put the blue crystals in his bathwater. I did this every day. I prepared his lunch daily, which did not include a sandwich-always a hot meal such as chicken pot pies, rice, left-over dinner, etc. How far will you go?
Additionally, he never had to worry about a missing button or torn clothing. I would mend everything. He didn’t even have to ask. Furthermore, it was not a problem ironing his clothes after washing them. He didn’t have to worry about his meals. I did the cooking, but sometimes he would cook various dishes to my enjoyment. He would gladly fix his plate, but many times I would prepare his plate. Did I lotion his feet too? Yes, sometimes. The list goes on. I am sure at this point, you are wondering, was my efforts returned? Or, you may just be shaking your head, lol. How far will you go?
As I conclude, do you think today’s young women, middle-aged women, and seasonal women will wash, mend, and iron their spouses or significant other if they live together clothes? Will they be the main cook, turn on the shower or run bath water and lotion their rusty feet? I didn’t mention it, but I also worked every day, just like my husband. You may wonder what did my husband do to pamper me. What I did was not dependent on his actions but rather my delight in doing for my spouse.
Is there gain or loss in a relationship when one partner appears to do more? Now I need to hear your thoughts and experiences. Also, do you feel that I did too much? Please voice your opinion. I look forward to receiving your responses. You can always respond anonymously if that makes you feel more comfortable. Texas, I can’t wait to hear from you! Let all your things be done with charity. 1 Corinthian 16:14. I’ll be back next week with a new post, “Learn to Jump!”
Be encouraged, and God bless!
Sister Jackie
Being taught how to be a wife is definitely a lost art form. I admire the characteristics your mother instilled in you. I feel there is a gain in the relationship when “going out of your way” for your partner is the norm and reciprocated. I feel like as a woman it is easy to get carried away and put unnecessary pressures on ourselves to up keep the “perfect” wife/mother image. With that being said, if these actions go unnoticed or aren’t mutually returned then it is a loss in the relationship. The woman may feel as if she’s not doing enough. I am all for spoiling your partner, but expressing appreciation in your partner’s love language is the key.
So nicely stated! It is a loss when one partner goes above and the other stands still. It can make the person “wonder” why. Giving always has to be from the heart without conditions, but it feels so good when the love actions are returned without any prompting or suggestions to the other person. Thank you so much for sharing those comments. May the grace of God keep and cover you always!
I’m of two minds here. I did a lot for my first husband also because of what I was taught and he did nothing for me in return, yet he still cheated on me. I do everything now and I still dont feel appreciated. I don’t mind doing if you at least show that you appreciate it. Doing goes both ways. Did you do too much, in some minds the answer is going to be yes, but did you take pleasure in doing what you did and did he in any way show you that he appreciated it. I don’t need the automatic thank you, that’s manners, but I do need to be asked every now and then is there something I can help you with. I may say no, but at least you asked and that speaks volumes to me.
As long as you are not feeling like a glorified maid, keep doing what you are doing if it makes you happy and gives you pleasure, I would.
To answer your questions, yes, I did enjoy what I did, and in his own way, he did show some appreciation, but not to the level of what I did towards him. Nevertheless, I did the things I did because I wanted to without condition. My marriage also was plagued with his infidelity, but I kept cooking, washing, mending, etc. Our marriage ended in divorce, but one day he apologized for all his misdeeds. I felt the Godly sorrow in his asking for my forgiveness. I forgave him wholeheartedly. He remarried, and I was always kind and respectful to his next wife. We had three children together, so contact remained between us. He became very ill, and I prayed for him. When he passed a few years ago, his wife asked me to do his eulogy, and I did with an open heart. I gained even though much was lost in the marriage. My actions toward him gave God glory, and his wife and her family embraced me as one of their own at the funeral. Amazing right? Thank you so much for sharing, and I pray that your husband will value the love and goodness you show toward him. God bless you, and may heaven smile upon you.
Sometimes too much is too much.
That being said,
The reaping and sowing principal!
If you are doing it from the heart ❤️.
We do what is right and l believe that we will reap rewards, maybe not from the person that it was given but the Bible is true we will reap what we sow
So very true!!!!! Reaping and sowing tell the story of our life! We should sow good seeds in every situation- the good and the bad. When we do, we shall reap a just reward, and as you state, it may not be from the person goodness is given to, but it shall surely come. I can testify of this!!! Bless you, so much for sharing. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. May our heavenly, awesome Savior bless you today and always!
Sis. Jackie, another thought provoking question. As a young, single, never been married woman, I have always pondered what type of wife I will be. We have always been taught to be a Proverbs 31 woman who would have been the woman to clean, cook, and run her husband’s bath water. However, I think as a modern woman there are greater expectations placed on us outside of the home. In turn, a woman’s capacity may not be able to maintain or sustain the level of special treatment. If a woman enjoys doing the things you mentioned in your example, she should definitely do them. If she does not enjoy doing those things, she should probably find a place in her heart to treat her spouse a time or two. However, she must not get to a resentment phase. Also, I think a woman should communicate her feelings with her husband. Therefore, if she needs reciprocated acts of service she should make sure her husband is aware. A lot of women have suffered in silence for years because they did not say anything. Women have neglected to take care of themselves. I think as a woman we must be whole physically, mentally and spiritually. In order to have that wholeness, there may be times where special treatment is given to herself and not her husband. For me, I hope and pray that I am gifted with a husband that not only appreciates the special things that I do but will reciprocate the same to me.
Terria thank you for your thoughtful and insightful comments. Life is different today, with women facing many challenges and expectations outside of the home. But, a happy home will ease some of the external stress. A woman has to be comfortable with the treatment she gives her husband because it may or may not be reciprocated, which can cause hurtful feelings. Communication is critical in a marriage relationship, and a woman should not be afraid to speak up and express her feelings concerning what she needs from her husband. Going along to get along is not always beneficial or healthy. A woman must love and not neglect herself to maintain a healthy wholeness. I pray that God will give you your heart’s desire concerning a husband. I appreciate you reading the post and taking the time to leave a comment. God bless you and shower you with His grace and mercy.