“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

Once we can utter those essential words, “I forgive you.” next, we must be able to say, “I forgive me.”We have to stop blaming our self. It’s not all your fault.  Encourage yourself. Pieces will never fit together in your life if you can’t forgive yourself. Sometimes forgiving yourself for taking all the blame is what’s necessary to heal and move forward. Yes, in any relationship, there is never a time when one person is exempt from any liability, but taking a close look at painful occurrences that manifest may reveal that you are accepting too much blame.

There were times when I seriously questioned myself about why certain things were happening to cause me pain and heartache. My life consisted of mainly working and going to church for the most part. Well, going to work wasn’t a problem. I was doing my job. But, was I spending too much time away from home in church? I rarely missed any services. Unfortunately, sometimes our faithfulness to God is not met with devotion and fidelity from another individual. Should I then blame myself when painful situations entered the relationship? Sometimes I did. I felt that maybe I should have spent more time at home.  It’s hard sometimes for us Christian girls to balance our natural and spiritual being. Doing so can be perplexing when the one you are sharing your life with professes to love God too.

Forgiving yourself can be as painful as trying to forgive someone else. Blame can bring on feelings of hurt and despair. It can make you who initially was offended by the offender bear more responsibility for the break down of the relationship than you should. At some point, I felt that way, but not for long. Yes, I bore some responsibility, but it never measured up to the heartache and pain I experienced.  There was no justification.  There is so much I could say, but won’t because this website is not to place blame on the one who caused my pain, but to help other Christian women know they can live and thrive past the pain. They can be free and whole to move forward in their life. 

I forgave me for whatever part perceived or not perceived that I shared in the break down of what I believed would be forever. I forgave myself for accepting undeserved guilt. I forgave me just like I forgave others. I no longer hold the blame that was not mine, but someone else. My sisters don’t embrace what’s not yours to embrace. If you do, you will never be able to move forward toward the complete healing of your broken heart. Speak the words, “I forgive me for owning that which I should not.” For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. Psalms 86:5. I’ll be back next week with a new post, “What does forgiveness look like?”

Be encouraged, and God bless!

Sister Jackie